HORROR AT THE DINING TABLE

CHARACTERS:

CAPT. FERNANDO

DUKE AND DUCHESS CHEMBERLAIN

CAPT. SABNANIO

PRINCESS SHAHSTEIN

PRINCESS MALIAISTO

SCENE ONE

GUESTS MEET OVER AT DINNER TO CELEBRATE THE ARRIVAL OF BABY CHEMBERLAIN. THERE IS A CHEER IN THE AIR AS THE GUESTS DISCUSS THEIR OLD DAYS OF GLORY. AS THEY UNITE AFTER LONG DAYS, THEIR FRIENDSHIP AND BROTHERHOOD FEELS AS STRONG AS EVER. ESPECIALLY FOR CAPT. FERNANDO, OTHERWISE A MUCH RESTRAINED PERSON WHEN IT COMES TO SHOW OF EMOTIONS WHO IS OVERWHELMED WITH BABY CHEMBERLAIN.

BUT AS ALL DAYS MUST TURN INTO NIGHTS AND ALL GOOD DINNERS END, THE SIX GUESTS DECIDE TO PART POST A MUCH RICH INDIAN MEAL RELISHED WITH BARE FINGERS AND SAVE THE SWEET COURSE FOR ANOTHER DAY. JUST AS THEY WAIT FOR THE ATTENDANTS TO PRESENT THE FINGER-BOWL, THE ULTIMATE CLEANSING EXPERIENCE, CAPT. FERNANDO'S ACT RESULTS IN PIN-DROP SILENCE ON THE TABLE.

HE HAS EVER SO EFFORTLESSLY PULLED OUT A HAND-SANITISER OUT OF HIS POCKET AND IS LETTING DROPS OF THE LIQUID POUR ON TO HIS PALM. EVEN PRINCESS SHAHSTEIN, THE DAINTIEST OF THEM ALL, COULD NOT CONTAIN HER SURPRISE. IT WAS PRINCESS MALIASTO WHO ASKED ON THE BEHALF OF THE COMPANY PRESENT.

PRINCESS MALIASTO: CAPT.FERNANDO, WHY DOES THOU DO THIS? HAVE YOU LOST FAITH IN THE CENTURY OLD TRADITION OF THE ELEGANT FINGER BOWL?"

(A DRAMATIC OPERA TRACK PLAYS OUT BEFORE CAPTAIN FERNANDO CAN EXPLAIN HIS ACT.)

SCENE TWO

CAPT. FERNANDO, WHOSE EXPRESSION REVEALS THAT HE NEVER REALISED THE EFFECT HIS ACT WOULD HAVE ON THE COMPANY PRESENT, GOES ON TO TALK ABOUT THE CHEMICALLY EQUIVALENT BUT EMOTIONALLY WEAK SUBSTITUENT OF WATER.

CAPT: FERNANDO: WATER REQUIRES YOU TO WAIT. AND THAT IS NOT IN MY TEMPERAMENT AS YOU WOULD KNOW. THIS LOVELY SANITISER ON THE OTHER HAND IS ALWAYS ACCESSIBLE. JUST A TWEED POCKET AWAY. IN FACT, EVER SINCE I STARTED USING IT, I HAVE BEEN DISCOVERING MORE JOYS THAN EXPECTED. IN FACT I HAVE ORDERED A GOOD FIVE OF THESE FOR MY PERSONAL USE. ONE IS ALWAYS IN MY POCKET WHEN I AM WITHOUT MY SATCHEL. THE OTHER BEING AT MY OFFICIAL DESK AND A THIRD ONE IN MY CAR CHARIOT. IT HAS SUCH HIGH LEVELS OF EFFICIENCY THAT I HAVE ALSO GOT TWO INSTALLED AT MY RESIDENCE - ONE NEXT TO THE TELEVISION WHICH IS WHEN I OFTEN ENJOY INDULGING IN A COUPLE OF FRUITS OR NUTS AND A SECOND ONE IN, EH, MY BEDROOM. IT ALLOWS ME INDULGING MY LAZY INSTINCTS ON DAYS WHEN I AM INDULGING IN THAT AMERICAN CONCEPT CALLED JUNK FOOD. TO SUM IT UP, IT IS BRILLIANT!

CAPT.FERNANDO THEN GOES ON TO SHARE HIS BRILLIANT DISCOVERY WITH THE REST OF HIS COMPANY, POURING THEM EACH SOME DROPS. THEY ALL MARVEL AT THE GLEAMING LIQUID; THE FUTURE NOW IN THEIR HANDS, LITERALLY!

END OF ACT.